I'm really depressed and I'm starting to realize that there may be something seriously wrong with me... I'll be straight up, because I need the right advice... I have a wonderful boyfriend whom I have been with for almost 3 years now... We drink alot and thats when my feelings really come out, then he gets upset , then it's like he hates me, and I don't want him to hate me, I don't want him to think I'm a horrible person, I just want my feelings heard and somewhat understood... I just feel like if someone is talking about me wrong, that my boyfriend should not be chit chatting with that person like they are buddies... I just kinda want some support in that respect but maybe I'm wrong, I don't know... I always seems to be hurting people I love and all I want is a great connection , but I guess me wanting my feelings resolved is selfish because he gets so mad at me... How do we talk about our problems without argueing? Do we just ignore our feelings??? I try not to be selfish, and it probably is being that he has so many problems going on. He may be going into foreclosure on his house, he's been trying to get by it with a short sale, his sister is in the hospitol from having surgery to remove the cancer which was like her 5th and worse surgery and they couldnt remove all of the cancer either... the cancer she has they say theres been only like 3 other cases of that certain cancer and shes the longest survivor... a bunch of it is wrapped around her liver... so yeah this has been dragging for a while and i just want forgiveness for being selfish... im soooo confused!!! i feel like i deserve to have some of my feelings respected! i pray for streghth to be able to have a good time without getting so upset and bite my tongue! i feel sometimes i have got to play games for the respect, i always try to be stright forward with whats on my mind, but im starting to think that playing games and acting like im better is the only way to make the other half crave you more... ahhhh, im sure ya'll are thinking i am nutts... thats why im writing this because i need to know whats wrong with me... theres other problems out there worse than mine, but i cant stop thinking about my heart, and feelings... im sick to my stomach every time i upset him and wish he wouldnt hate me so much when i upset him, and not hold grudges on me... i miss the beginning of the relationship soooo much, he wanted to be around me all the time, he adored me so much more, and commplimented me ALOT... know he thinks if he compliments me, it will make me big headed... he's really a good person, he has worked his behind off most of his life, he crys all the time because he feels like a failure with his business and the house... what can i do to make everything better??? i wish i could find a solution to his problems, i wish we were like we were when we met, i wish i can find God, I wish i could just get some guidance and be convinced that i am wrong!!! i hate the feeling i feel trying to get through the day knowing i made someone i love really mad...

No where did you mention that any of you are christians. Second of all there are definantly deeper issues in your past that you have not dealt with. You have alot of pain from your past that you have not dealt with and drinking will not solve any of your problems. Both of you need the lord. He will fix it all.

Relax beloved.There is nothing wrong with you or your boyfriend.You need to actively and consciensly appreciate each other.You also need to get born again if you are not and then prioritize on what is most important.I suggest this order.God Almighty,your spouse then family and all others and things. Material possesions have one thing in common they are temporary and can fly away at any time. Assure your spouse that you will love him in poverty and riches. Trust in the Lord and start praying togethr because you are now enjoyingthe mystery of oneness. otherwise take care