Read This Article

Rev Faith Ukaegbu

What do we mean by antidotes. Antidote is a medicine used against a poison. Brethren we are about to enter into a revelational teaching on how to fight against these poisons the devil is using, which we allow into our marriages, but I am happy to announce to us that the devils time in our marriages is over in Jesus name Amen.

Submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God. Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the Church; and he is the Saviour of the body. Therefore as the Church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing. Husbands love your wives, even as Christ also loved the Church, and gave himself for it; that he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word. That he might present it to himself a glorious Church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish. So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself. For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the Church; For we are members of his body, of his flesh, and of his bones. For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh. This is a great mystery; but I speak concerning Christ and the Church. Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband. Ephesians 6:21-33

The bible says in the passage we have just read, that man is the head of the wife, and that the man is suppose to love his wife, and the wife is suppose to submit to the man, why is love and submission lacking in many marriages today, many marriages are today at the point of breaking, a lot of men are fighting very hard to maintain their marriage to force their wives into submitting, but the more they put in a fight, the more they face a stronger resistance from their spouse. Why, because a lot of men have forgot that man's headship over his wife is uncontestable, and the only problem is just that man had forgotten God's principle for a healthy spiritual marriage.

What does Eph. 5:22 mean by wives submit to your husbands, as unto the Lord? And what does Eph.5: 25 mean by husbands love your wives as Christ loves the Church?

TO THE WOMAN: SUBMIT

S - Serve. Paul by the unction from the Holy Spirit spoke, that every woman should without any reservation serve their own husbands as they would, do to the Lord. Serve him with every thing that you possess, physically. Put in every thing that is in you to see that your marriage works.

U - Understand him. In understanding your spouse is not just a one-week, one year. Or ten years affair but a life long duty, it is till death do you part. The day you stop learning him is the day your marriage will start dying.

B - Bow. In bowing I don't mean worship him. For our worship must only be to God alone. The bowing I am referring is found in Eph. 5:33b which Says,

and the wife see that she reverence her husband

"reverence" is The word. In 1 Peter 3:6 says

Even as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling Him lord; whose daughters ye are, as long as ye do well and are not afraid with any amazement.

B can equally means "Bridge" women are called to bridge the gap between their husbands and their children.

M -Meal. If you can be faithful to his meal, you will have his heart. There is this saying that the way to a man's heart is through his stomach. So make sure he eats not just in time but also eats well. Minister to his daily need prayerfully.

I - Interest. Know what interests him, his likes and dislikes. Make the home an Interesting place, a place of rest, clean and neat, warm and inviting. Intercede or be the intercessor for your family.

T - Talk. Learn how best to talk and not to criticize him. Do you know that Praise not criticism will make a weary man perform.
Do you know that marriage is a ministry, for there is much more involved in it than selfish fulfillment. When you marry someone, you marry every thing he has been. It is impossible to pick the parts you want and leave the parts you don't like.

Judges 16:16-19 And it came to pass, when she pressed him daily with her words, and urged him, so that his soul was vexed unto death; That he told her all his heart, and said unto her, There hath not come a razor upon mine head: for I have been a Nazarite unto God form my mother's womb: if I be shaven, then my strength will go from me, and I shall become weak, and be like any other man. And when Delilah saw that he had told her all his heart, she sent and called for the lords of the Philistines, saying, Come up this once, for he hath shewed me all his heart. Then the lords of the Philistines came up unto her, and brought money in their hands. And she made him sleep upon her knees; and she called for a man, and she caused him to shave off the seven locks of his head; and she began to afflict him, and his strength went from him.

This place tells us the story of a woman called Delilah and a man Samson. Most women do not like Delilah and men alike, but there is some thing about her methods worth discussing that every wife could learn. The bible did not say any thing about her appearance; her clothing, make-ups or hairdo was not mentioned But.

(1) What was it about this woman that was so powerful?
(2) What was it that attracted and captivated the attention of this mighty man?
(3) What was it about this woman that kept drawing him back to her arms?
(4) What was it about this woman that when none of the warriors could get to Samson. The Philistine government put her on their payroll because of what she knew about men?
(5) What made Samson keep going back to her bed, even when he knew she was trying to kill him?

Jesus described well the problem of a highly motivated man in Luke 9:58

And Jesus said unto him, Foxes have holes, and birds of the air have nests; but the son of man hath not where to lay his head.

What a man needs is a home, a place of rest. Delilah knew that Samson had a call on his life and that he is a warrior, he needed a place to take off his armors and rest for few hours, she made her home ready, clean and neat, warm and inviting, she knew his work was demanding, and he is also tired any time he comes back, she made her laps ready for his head to rest upon, her touch made him feel safe in her laps. My prayer and sincere desire is that may God grant you grace in ministering to your spouse. Don't be discouraged if you don't see immediate change. Healing is a process and it takes time. God will give you the oil of compassion and the sweet wind of a sincere love to pour into your marriage.

TO THE MAN: LOVE

L - Listen. Listening is an act of love. It shows how interested the man is in Hearing what the wife has to say, and it quenches the fire of anger And indifference.

O - Overlook. God Holds the man responsible for what happens in the home. It's the man's duty to make sure that his house is in order. He is the Leader and should be the one to choose the high road when its looks Like his marriage is heading in the wrong direction.

V - Voice it out. A man should be ready at all times to voice out any thing he feels are not right or things that should be done in the home, and should not try to keep quiet over issues.

E - Expressive Every man should know how to express himself before his wife.

In our relationship submitting to another person is a concept that is often misunderstood. Eph. 5:21 Says

submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God.

When we submit to God, we become more willing to obey his command to submit to others, that is, to sub-ordinate our rights to theirs. In a marriage relationship, both husband and wife are called to submit. For the wife, this means willingly following her husband's leadership in Christ. For the husband, it means putting aside his own interests in order to care for his wife. Submission is rarely a problem in homes where both partners have a strong relationship with Christ and where each is concerned for the happiness of the other. This kind of mutual submission preserves order and harmony in the family while it increases love and respect among family members. The man is the spiritual head of the family, and his wife should acknowledge his leadership. But real spiritual leadership involves service. Just as Christ served the disciples, even to the point of washing their feet, so the husband is to serve his wife. A wise and Christ-honoring husband will not take advantage of his leadership role, and a wise and Christ-honoring wife will not try to undermine her husband's leadership. For either approach causes disunity and friction in marriage. The union of husband and wife merges two persons in such a way that little can affect one without also affecting the other. Oneness in marriage does not mean losing your personality in the personality of the other. Instead, it means caring for your spouse as you care for yourself, learning to anticipate his or her needs, and helping the other person become all he or she can be.

MARRIAGE IS INTENDED TO BE A RELATIONSHIP OF GROWING OPENNESS.

Gen. 3:7 And the eyes of them both were opened, and they knew that they were naked; and they sewed fig leaves together, and made themselves aprons.

Have you ever noticed how a little child can run naked through a room full of strangers without embarrassment? He is not aware of his nakedness, just as Adam and Eve were not embarrassed in their innocence. But after Adam and Eve sinned, shame and awkwardness followed, creating barriers between themselves and God. We often experience these same barriers in marriage. Ideally a husband and wife have no barriers, feeling no embarrassment in exposing themselves to each other or to God. But, like Adam and Eve, we put on fig leaves (barriers) because we have areas we don't want our spouse, or God, to know about. Then we hide, just like Adam and Eve hid from God. In marriage, lack of spiritual, emotional, and intellectual intimacy usually precedes a breakdown of physical intimacy. In the same way, when we fail to expose our secret thoughts to God, we break our lines of communication with him.

SUCCESSFUL COMMUNICATION EQUAL'S TO SUCCESSFUL MARRIAGE

What is communication? Merriam-Webster's Dictionary defines communication as "a process by which information is exchanged between individuals."

There must be true and effective communication between spouses, where a husband and wife receive and understand information transmitted by each other. Mis-communication occurs when both parties fail to exchange information clearly and effectively. Have you and your spouse ever disagreed on something because one of you failed to understand the point the other was trying to make? You heard something entirely different than what was said. When a problem starts in a marriage, digging the roots out is very important.

Root causes of problems in marital relationships can be likened to a tree's root system. Hurt, anger, bitterness, and resentment are tree-like emotions that thrive in many relationships. Over time, they are allowed to grow out of control as their roots continue to feed on and grow in polluted soil. Many things can pollute the soil of a marriage and perpetuate the life span of these emotional trees. Misunderstandings, one's upbringing, unresolved issues and poor advice from friends and relatives are several examples. Simply cutting down a tree does not destroy it. You must uproot its entire root system in order for it to completely die. The same is true where marital problems are concerned. Every root must be dug up and destroyed if true reconciliation is to occur. Couples who only deal with surface issues may find temporary relief from their problems. They later find themselves arguing over the same issues. When there is hurt and pain in relationships, because of harsh words spoken, that hurt gives birth to low self-esteem and distrust, in order to eliminate these emotions, each person must dig out and destroy the root cause so that harmony can be restored in the home, without uprooting the cause, true reconciliation is impossible. For many couples, digging out the root causes of their problems isn't an easy task. Past hurts are resurrected and one or both spouses is forced to come to grips with the truth, often the truth reveals that both parties played key roles in the issues they face. Effective communication is the tool needed to uproot the causes of broken relationships when used properly, the result is a successful marriage. Every Christian couple should strive for this; it's simple, yet powerful.

JAMES 1:19 the bible says

"Wherefore, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath;

The Amplified bible says that we should be ready listeners.

When a couple visits or is in counseling sessions, each spouse is given the opportunity to express his or her feelings about a particular situation without interruption. It gives you an opportunity to know how your spouse feels about an issue.

No behavior is more self-centered than when we demand to speak and refuse to listen. This is the root cause of most interpersonal conflicts between spouses, and it is also a violation of a biblical principle in James where we read. And in listening you can have a WRONG or RIGHT listening attitude. Right listening occurs when you maintain a positive attitude while listening to your spouse, and wrong listening, on other hand, occurs when you remain quiet, yet are formulating a response to get back at him or her.

Lets look at four basic principles for proper listening.

1. LISTEN INTENTIONALLY. This is a conscious act of your will built in you by God himself, not that you're being forced to listen, as you would be in a counseling session. Think of it as purposeful listening.

2. LISTEN ATTENTIVELY. This type of listening is done by eliminating distractions. Giving each other your undivided attention is critical of effective communication. Therefore, maintain eye contact by sitting face to face.

3. LISTEN UNDERSTANDINGLY. Being an understanding listener involves having an open heart. To have an open heart involves taking into consideration what you hear and making whatever adjustments are necessary to strengthen your relationship in that area. Skillful listening involves a determined effort to perceive the context of what your spouse is attempting to convey. When you don't understand what your spouse is saying; ask him or her to explain it to you further. An understanding listener will always take the facts into consideration and make the necessary changes.

4. LISTEN ACTIVELY. This last principle involves quickly acting on what your mate shares with you. Don't quickly forget even those seemingly simple things, such as shared chores or words of encouragement.

FORGIVE AND FORGET.

The greatest thing that you can do to establish effective communication is to forgive your spouse of any wrong done or said to you. God took the time to forgive you of your sins and cleanse you of all unrighteousness, based on what Jesus did for you on the cross, you should be willing to forgive your spouse, regardless of what was done or said. Unforgiveness will not only hinder God from forgiving you but will also clog up the flow of His blessings in your life.

Mark 11; 25 26 And when ye stand praying, forgive, if ye have aught against any; that your father also which is in heaven may forgive you your trespasses. But if ye do not forgive, neither will your father which is in heaven forgive your trespasses.

Your mountain of circumstances won't budge when unforgiveness stands in the way. It is also a major roadblock against true reconciliation. We should do ourselves a favour and learn from the Apostle Paul example.

Philippians 3:13 Brethren, I count not myself to have apprehended: but this one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind, and reaching forth unto those things which are before.

When you practice forgiveness it will be easy for you to forget, because to forget is when you are free of a heavy load of bitterness, it breaks the cycle of retaliation and leads to mutual reconciliation. You may not be able to stop the evil or good memories, but you can forget any evil treatment by acknowledging that it is God who is directing your life whether good or bad and the hurts will be healed quickly.

Gen 45:3-5 And Joseph said unto his brethren, I am Joseph; doth my father yet live? And his brethren could not answer him; for they were troubled at his presence. And Joseph said unto his brethren, come near to me, I pray you. And they came near. And he said, I am Joseph your brother, whom ye sold into Egypt. Now therefore be not grieved, nor angry with your selves, that ye sold me hither: for God did send me before you to preserve life.

Joseph is a model of genuine forgiveness, he was rejected, kidnapped, enslaved, and imprisoned, although his brothers had been unfaithful to him, he graciously forgave them and shared his prosperity with them, but he did not forget what they did to him because he mentioned it to them "I am Joseph whom ye sold into Egypt", he still remembered their actions or treatment to him after 15 years earlier, but was never bitter about it nor are there any evil hurts in him any more, that is the forgetting. Joseph acknowledged that it was God who was directing his life whether good or bad, for he said in

Gen 45:7-8 And God sent me before you to preserve you a posterity in the earth, and to save your lives by a great deliverance. So now it was not you that sent me hither, but God; and he hath made me a father to Pharaoh, and lord of all his house, and a ruler throughout all the land of Egypt.

Joseph saw God in all the trouble he went through in life, even though the devil used men to bring this bitterness, hurts and suffering to him, when he practice forgiveness, because of the love of God that is in his heart, bitterness and hurts gave way because where God is no evil remain there, for when bitterness and hurts are removed in one's life that is forgetting. So we can practice forgetting through forgiveness, it is possible. In our marital relationship it may not be easy to forgive, let alone to forget, but with God's love shed abroad in our hearts, we can do it, for it is necessary for success in marriage. Forget those things that hurt you, they're not worth holding on to. There's nothing worse than going through life overloaded with emotional baggage, it's time to reach for the wholeness and peace you have a right to in marriage.

Lastly, love must be demonstrated through actions and words in your marriage. However, if you have spent months, or even years, tearing down your mate with hurtful words, you must train yourself to speak affectionately toward him or her. Begin today by making a conscious decision to change and declaring the following bible based confessions daily:

In the name of Jesus, I will not let any corrupt communication proceed out of my mouth but only that, which is good for edification, I am quick to listen and slow to speak, my words are acceptable to the Lord. I will put a guard on my mouth and keep the door of my lips shut from speaking anything ungodly. I will love my mate with affectionate words and genuine concern. I aim for and am eager to seek harmony in my marriage by building up my spouse. Amen.

Contact Information:
USA
Rev Faith Ukaegbu
6002 Eileen Avenue
Los Angeles, CA 90043
(323) 299-9503

Nigeria
Rev Faith Ukaegbu
P.O. Box 1486
Festactown, Lagos

Rev Faith Ukaegbu is married to Rev. Dr. Samuel Ukaegbu. Her husband is the President, Founder and The Senior Pastor of Full Gospel Believers Church (aka) Faith Cathedral Int’l Headquarters in Lagos, Nigeria, running over 2,000 in one service, with 22 Satellite Churches at different States in Nigeria.

He is an ordained Minister of God, and has been in the Ministry for over 25 years. They are blessed with five children, and two grandchildren.

He attended Morris Cerullo School of Ministry in San Diego in 1979, returned to start planting of Churches. He is the National Director of World Ministry Fellowship in Nigeria. He was awarded a Doctorate Degree on Christian Education, by Faith Bible College, Shreveport, USA. Where he obtained a Doctorate in Theology. He is one of the founding fathers of Pentecostal Fellowship of Nigeria. He has Ministered in many Churches within Nigeria and Countries in Africa and around United States of America and traveled to many countries which include England, Argentina and Canada.

He has been a Conference Speaker and goes on Evangelistic Crusades where many are saved, healed and filled with the Holy Spirit. He is open for services.

Printer Friendly Page

Expressions of Love Read More...

To make a donation via Pay Pal:

Subscribe for FREE